So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
