Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
