Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
