if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
