how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
