You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
