There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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