she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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