Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He did a backflip because drugs
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