Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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