are you still at the devil's house?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
