i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
