You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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