She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
how does that bad decision feel?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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