Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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