My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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