3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
