Who did Billy Mays play for?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
