Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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