me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
