Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
