I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
