Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
