tell your sister to shave her snatch
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
