i think my tv is drunk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
