She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
