i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
