I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
