So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
