I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can I color on your dick again?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
