Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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