ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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