yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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