guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
