why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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