READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
