if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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