Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
