Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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