I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
