I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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