In the future we'll all be gay
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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