Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
