I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize