New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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