and you said cock pushups were impossible
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
