Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
