my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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