I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
