I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
