Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
