i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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