I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
