So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
