my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
