your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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