Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
