she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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