Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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