I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
