dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
