why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
