I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
