why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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