he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
