God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
