I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
