Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
