brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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