Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
