I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
