i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
