the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
cat food counts as protein by the way
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
