Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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