pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i jhust puked up my retainher.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
