I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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