Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
