Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
