No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize