Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
